


Kiss Me Goodbye

by wheniwasanalien



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Goodbyes, Hospitalization, M/M, Sad, Sick Louis, larry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 22:45:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheniwasanalien/pseuds/wheniwasanalien
Summary: Louis has cancer, Harry comes to visit him.An extremely basic idea but I did it in the car on the way to the beach while listening to You and Me by Lifehouse on repeat. Really adds to the mood if you wanna listen while you read.





	Kiss Me Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Asterisks on either side of a sentence signify italicization, like to represent a thought. My writing app puts them in and I don’t feel like changing it.

"Are you ready to see him?"

I nodded, although my eagerness was all a facade. I hadn't seen him for at least a week, and in that time his already critical condition had somehow worsened, to the point where the doctors were unaware of how much longer he'd be able to survive. I didn't want to be there to see the light fade from his once bright blue eyes, to feel his chest collapse in his final exhale as I held him. I couldn't bear to watch it all slip away and come to an end.

This could be my last chance to say goodbye, I thought to myself as the nurse lead me down the beige, sterile smelling hallway. It was eerily quiet, the only sound which stood out being the clicking of my boots against the cold linoleum floor. I didn't want him to die in a place so lifeless and sad. It was the complete opposite of him, of what I knew he would've wanted.

Suddenly, I was jolted back into reality by the sound of a heavy metal door creaking. "He's right in here, in the second room to the left," the nurse said, smiling, although I detected a hint of pity in her voice. Lou wouldn't have wanted anyone to pity him, but given his ailment it was to be expected.

I nodded, mumbling a quick thank you before walking towards the door. Room 416. Louis Tomlinson. I could almost feel the acid rising in my throat at the sight of his name, tacked up for all to see, announcing to the entire world that his life was soon coming to an end. Tears had begun to form in the corners of my eyes, but I wiped them away quickly with my sleeve. I took a deep breath before I pushed open the door, praying to any higher power that might've been listening that I could get through this without breaking down.

"Hey, Lou," I mumbled as I pushed the door open, keeping my eyes focused on the floor because I couldn't bear to see him looking so ill.

"Harry!" he replied weakly, though he was clearly excited to see me. I raised my head slowly to look at him, and though I wasn't surprised by what I saw, it just didn't look like the Louis I knew and fell in love with. The brunette hair I once loved to run my hands through had long since fallen out, and his once vivid eyes had become sunken in and glassy. His skin had taken on a sickly gray undertone, and dear God, he was so, so skinny. He didn't look like my Louis at all, but I promised I'd love him to the end, and that wasn't a promise I intended on breaking.

We smiled at each other through our pain as I walked towards him and moved aside a menagerie of tubes and machines so that I could sit beside him on his uncomfortable, sad excuse for a bed. We had a nice bed back at home. It had been so long since I'd gotten to lay it beside him, pull him close to me, feel his breath against my skin. It wasn't even sex that I desired. Simply the feeling of his body touching mine was enough to make me feel alive.

"How are you, baby?" I asked, reaching for his hand and running a finger over the needle which was inserted into it. I already knew the answer to that question, but Jesus Christ, what I wouldn't give to just hear him say he was doing well.

"Getting by," he said, his grin a familiar and welcomed sight. "How about you?"

Devastated. Miserable. Absolutely heartbroken. "Getting by," I responded, stealing his response because how the hell else was I meant to respond? I couldn't say I was good because that would be an absolute lie, and I most certainly couldn't let him in on how upset I was. "Things are too quiet at home without you."

He let out a laugh, followed by a cough, in response to that. "Its quiet here too, and boring as hell. The nurses won't even let me go in a wheelchair anywhere anymore ever since I tried to race the other patients." Oh shit, there was my Lou. *He's still in there*, I thought as I watched the familiar way his mouth moved when he spoke. I'd memorized every single one of his idiosyncrasies, and I hoped with all my heart that I'd never forget them. 

"You're still insane, even now," I responded, smirking and staring into his eyes as though it was the last chance I'd ever have to see them. I tried not to think about the fact that it could be. "How's the food here? I didn't eat before I came, maybe you know a place?"

Louis rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, and never before had I wished so much that you could get sounds tattooed. "Absolutely awful," he complained in his usual Louis fashion. "Even the solid food they had me on was rubbish. Hell, I could make better, and you know how often I cook."

Memories of our shared past seemed to flash before my eyes. Lou standing in the kitchen in nothing but boxers, attempting to cook me a nice dinner because I'd told him that no girl had ever cooked for me before. Him cursing the second anything went even slightly wrong, and me coming to the rescue when the oven started smoking. It wasn't the best tasting food I'd ever had, but it was still hands down the best.

"Harry?"

Lou's voice suddenly pulled me back into the present. "Yeah?"

He shifted slightly, and I tried to ignore the way he winced in pain. "You just look distant."

Damn it. I promised myself I wasn't going to do this to him. "Just thinking about how things were."

"Don't," he warned, reaching out a bony hand to stroke my arm. "The past is the past. It was golden but you can't focus on it, not now."

My sinuses began to sting, and I silently cursed myself for not being able to hold it together for even five minutes. "I just don't want this Lou, I want what we had back. I don't want you to have to feel all this."

"I don't want to die, Harry." I could've lost it right there. "God, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't want to leave you but please just try not to be too sad."

"How can you say that?" I didn't mean for it to come out as aggressive as it had. "I'm going to spend the whole rest of my life missing you."

"At least you get to live the rest of your life." That was it. I completely abandoned my original plan of staying strong and burst into tears. Louis seemed surprised, but quickly and naturally pulled me into a hug. The feeling of his unnaturally bony arms digging into my ribs only made me cry harder. "Baby, its okay," he murmured, his voice cracking slightly as he fought his own urge to cry. "You're strong, you can get through this."

I definitely was not the strong one in our relationship. "Lou, you have cancer. You've been through so much, you're a lot stronger than me."

"I'm fucking dying, Harry." The truth of his statement had hit me like a dagger to the chest. "The only reason I got through this was you. You make me strong."

"I love you, Lou," I whispered, leaning in to plant a kiss on his chapped lips.

"I love you too, Harry." He rubbed my arms gently as he pulled away. "I can't think of any better place to die than in your arms."

*God, tear me apart, will you?* "Make sure they call me when it gets bad," I said through my sobs, which had slowed but were still comparable to a small waterfall. "I want to be here."

"I want you to be here too." He leaned his bald head against my shoulder. "I'm not going unless you're here to kiss me goodbye."

We sat in silence for a few moments, until finally a nurse walked in and announced that visiting hours were over. After a tearful, heartfelt goodbye, I walked towards the door, but paused for a moment and leaned against the doorway. "No cheating while I'm away, okay?"

Lou smirked and threw one of his two pillows at me, which felt like they were made of styrofoam. "Fuck off, cunt."

I smirked and blew him a kiss. "Love you, Lou."

"Love you too, Harry."

I began sobbing uncontrollably the second I sat down in my car. As I bucked my seatbelt, I reached towards my pocket to remove something, a slip of paper which read 'Louis Tomlinson' in an official looking font. I held it to my chest as I cried, looking up towards the sky full of stars and wishing that I could hold him, the real him, not just his name printed impersonally on a piece of stark white paper, there in my arms forever.


End file.
